Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
