I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
