I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need a beard to bite.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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