I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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