Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
