I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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