i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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