All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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