brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
