Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
