may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
