Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
