idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
