brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They took my balls.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
