go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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