Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I deserve this hangover.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize