i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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