im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize