im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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