when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
