i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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