Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
