I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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