Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
