My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
