God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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