she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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