My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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