I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
