Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
