Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize