just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
