you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
