Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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