Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
