It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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