I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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