i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
