just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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