Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
