I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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