Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
