They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
