my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
