My hair reeks of homosexuality.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
