My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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