Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
