Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
