Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
