for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
