I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
