I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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