If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
