I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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