No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
