Sponge bath it is.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
