He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
