After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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