Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize