he was CRYING into my vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
