I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I sprained my soul last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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