Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
