I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
