so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
