I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
third nipple confirmed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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