I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
