Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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