is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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