i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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