Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
now i know why i became what i already was.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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