if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize