You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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