I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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