Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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