Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
