My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
