Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
