i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
