My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
