dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
