I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
