3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
