I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
