i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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