So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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