My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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