Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
