You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
